the-zodiac-galaxy:

Aries: “You can turn that shitty knife into a titty knife.”

Taurus: “Fuck you and your formal attire.”

Gemini: “Most owls can turn their heads 270 degrees in both directions. This owl can fuck itself in all directions.”

Cancer: “Oh, okay. Guess I’ll just go fuck myself then.”

Leo: “Good evening. Tonight’s special is the shit blizzard.”

Virgo: “Ah, just a little bit of ghost semen. A very common ingredient found in most beverages, so, might as well stick with the traditional.”

Libra: “You will all feast on the fuck.”

Scorpio: “His legs are trembling, his knees are weak, his mom’s heavy, put your vagina in spaghetti.”

Sagittarius: I”m ready to begin my journey with a full fledged erection and a heart of ambition.”

Capricorn: “This bastard just got re atomized.”

Aquarius: “Serenade my candy ass, come on!”

Pisces: “I would rather solve a rubiks cube using only my bare nipples than try to make that fucking jump.”