I haven’t cried while trying to sleep in a long while.

sure i got a pretty interesting dream but idk if that makes up for the shit i had to go through yesterday

it’s a pretty lame dream really just me in some weird candy store having the time of my life and it not being ruined by people who apparently have to bring their personal shit into the fucking stage where everyone can fucking see for once

but nope it’s not fucking real

bullshit like that always fucking happens

I spend all my fucking time and effort on a little thing, a little group and then some point someone starts to blow shit out of proportion that could have been settled privately or at least in a calm and not damaging matter and it ruins fucking everything to the point where trying to build it back up is fucking hopeless

the first time I was on someone’s side and it was p horrible

this time i tried to be super neutral about it and not pick sides, but that turned out even worse for me because I’m too fucking paranoid that someone’s going to talk shit behind my back even though I’m trying to keep at least some semblance of a friendship or at least acquaintances with everyone

but no everything goes to shit anyway, and it’s always going to fucking end up with everyone moving on to too many different shit while I stand there like a dumbfuck at marvel at the fucking aftermath of a shitstorm

I’m too fucking tired with this shit